I've got the scoop of the century. It took ten minutes
Behold, I give thee TrumpCare! It's the ACA with a twist. This is the best health care. Nobody does healthcare like TrumpCare. It's Big League, folks! Believe me.
You're going to really love this. First, notice the title in BOLD gold glittered print. TRUMPCARE! Let that soak in for a moment, because it's a winner.
Next, when you open the bill you will find something incredible.
Wait for it...wait for it...wait for it...
...keep waiting for it...
...we're almost there...
ZIP. ZILCH. ZERO.
That's right, they've got nothing, folks. Say goodbye to those heady days of Death Panels and say hello to the same crap we had before 2010. Woo hoo.
Hey, they're trying to MAGA, and this is part of the glorious master plan. Besides, regulations are for losers. You've got cancer and you can't afford treatment? Sad. Maybe you should have thought about that before you got sick. If you had been fiscally responsible, you'd have a Health Care Savings Account with hundreds of thousands of dollars squirreled away for just this occasion.
What were you expecting? We can't even cobble together a respectable Muslim Ban. Get your shit together and cover your own ass. We have corporations to serve and oil to rescue from those pesky Russian sanctions.
Naw, just kidding, there's a bill. It's Obamacare with Trump's name on it.
For my next trick, I'll find a real president. Stay tuned.
(PS: The Lady Party LIVE is taking a break this week. This hostess is not feeling the mostest. Join me next Friday evening at 8pm EST!