How Women Undermine Their Joy

Hello, Gorgeous,

Yes, I'm talking to you. No need to look over your shoulder to see if a super model is lurking in the shadows. They do that, you know, and I think we can all agree that lurking super models are the WORST. Not that I'm hating on super models. Good grief this has already gotten off track.

Focus, Madge.

You are gorgeous, you know, and not just because of that 100 watt smile. You are gorgeous because you are. Period. Stir that around in your coffee or martini or sparkling water for a moment.

How does that feel?

Last week while spending some quality time with two very good friends one of my friends shared a story. I hope she isn't going to be annoyed that I'm sharing it here, but here goes. She was out somewhere and a younger woman said something along the lines of, "You are really the face."

She said that comment immediately triggered her desire to lose weight.

Now I'm all for losing weight, getting healthy, feeling good in your skin. I've got thirty pounds I'd like to lose. However, I cried bullshit. My friend is beautiful. Period. She's always been beautiful. She's one of the most beautiful women I know. She doesn't need to lose weight to become beautiful in the body. That younger woman needed to apply some filters and check herself. Women who make comments like that are unhappy with themselves. Their unhappiness colors the way they see the world and the way they treat others.

This is how women undermine their joy and the joy of those around them. It's self-loathing. It's poison and it's the worst kind since it's cloaked in a back handed compliment. Just because they've poured it out, we don't have to drink it. We can sit with it, though, see how it resonates, adjust the tuning and refocus on joy. We can turn that poison into an opportunity for self-reflection and growth. How's that for alchemy?

Joy isn't hiding in a number on a scale or a tube of lipstick or the approval of strangers. Joy emerges when we stop worrying about how we look and start focusing on how we love. Joy starts with loving ourselves without condition. When we do this, we find ourselves loving other people without condition. It's a powerful, positive, transformative thing.

As we age, we are given a powerful opportunity to shift our focus. We are challenged to shed our illusions about what we have to offer to the world and how we view other women. As our looks fade, our beauty increases. Our self confidence becomes tied to who we are, not how we look. We can, if we so choose, let go of the idea that a woman's worth is defined by her physical appearance and instead embrace the truth that a woman's worth is far richer, deeper, and more powerful. Then we can share that truth in every interaction.

So when a woman says, "You are the face." We can reject that thought and reply, "I am beautiful in the soul, and that's what matters most."


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